Have you ever thought of the word "queer" as we use referring to our lifestyle?
I have called myself "old queer"for so long is that it is apart of me. I the early days I thought of it as my persona non grata (unwelcome person)but I have come to treasure the word queer. I hold it close to my heart and my lips as one of the powerful words in our culture. The shock value of this word loses its threat when they it used by someone who has the dignity and the respect and carries this word as banner. As an old queer, I can do that.
Being "out" is so important to me that I have used this word with my straight friends. When they could look at me and call me an "old queer " my heart soared. I not only had freed myself but I had freed them to use this word not as something derogatory but as a term of affection for me.
I had what I would call a very queer experience and let see if you would agree.
I had joined my Lady Love in Michigan two months before Jeff and Pat's wedding in Colorado. Lady Love was a newspaper woman and could not get away to go with me during the month of June.
I was going to Colorado for my son's wedding. Now this is not queer, but Lady Love's ex-partner drove out with me. Isn't that queer? She is interested in meeting my ex-partner. Who of course,is also queer. This even get more queer.
My brother hated me----you know how it is, I was his favorite sister, but I was not his favorite queer. He was to be at the wedding and he hadn't spoken to me in years. He thought it was terrible of me to appear queer even if I was queer. He did not come to the wedding. I'm sure
he found out I was going to be there.(He since has passed away and we never repaired our rift and I loved him so much it makes me sad. Prior to my being "out" I would have thought this never could have happened. )
On with my queer story. The facts of the story bring me here:
At the wedding I was seated next to my ex-partner on my left and Lady Loves ex-partner on my right. So in the middle of this very straight wedding there were three very queer guests.
There was plenty of queer confusion there. My children and grandchildren adore me and accept me as the queer I am, so that is no problem. But when the people that knew me realize that I was with two queer woman that didn't belong with me---how queer did that seem? Especially when I told them that my old queer stayed in Michigan because she had to work. They wondered who were those other queer woman? How would we handle it?
Oh,easy. We would just sit there and appear queer and when the music begins to play the three of us would dance together. No lesbian would ever think that was queer.