Lady Love is on a diet. Sounds pretty simple doesn't it? She had check-up and found that her cholesterol was very high. She knew she had put on a few pounds---I told her she is beautiful and I love womanly womyn.
With Lady Love this meant war!!!!! DOWN WITH CHOLESTEROL AND DOWN WITH THE WEIGHT!!!! Lady Love never starts any project without researching it adequately. (The Pentagon should have her on their staff---they would never end up buying any $50 doorknobs.)
She found the most popular and prominent cholesterol book. Read it; reread it; made lists. I would come home in the evening and find her curled up with her books and her lists. When I would arrive she would chat excitedly about what was gospel in the world of cholesterol. I smiled.
"Why are you laughing?" she said.
"I'm smiling--did you forget that I love the way your mind operates?"
She grinned and her nose dropped down in her book and she was back to the big problem at hand--how many grams of fat in a chicken breast? (Sorry, did not record it here.) So it went for a week or ten days. A bit obsessive? No, no just very thorough.
I get one weekend off a month. It arrived.
Lady Love asked, "Would you like to go to the big super market in Kalamazoo on Sunday? I think they will have some of the special foods I need for my diet. I know already that I cannot get some of the things I need at out market. And then I need to take some yarn over to a friend and she could meet us there and pick it up. "OK?"
" Sure." I replied, "That will be fine."
Truly it would be fine but I hate "hyper stores" of any kind. Somehow they have a way of assaulting my social demeanor so that after I am there for forty minutes I become a shopper in "hell." I have tried to identify why I dislike them so much. I love cities and walking from shop to shop. Put me in an "everything" store and I don't want to look at anything.
Sunday came. I was determined to not to get exasperated and just try to enjoy our adventure into the land of excess.
We entered the store. Lady Love with her lists in hand had a look of enthusiasm on her face. She spied the cheese man and asks him about a particular brand of lo-cholesterol cheese. He said he didn't have it but by the end of the month the store would be stocking 150 different kinds of cheese. He was sure they would have it by then. Me, too. There could only be one or two they would be missing--I didn't know there were 150 kinds of cheese!!
With list still in hand we marched on reading every label determining if it would go in the cart. The miles of meat displays, the city block of canned soups, the acres of candy were all wasted on us.
Ugh! I was hungry and I needed to use the restroom. I inquired as to the restroom and found that it was located at the other end of the store. I assured Lady Love that I could probably find it without the aid of the local hyper store travel guide. She smiled weakly as I left her in the land of candy and nuts. (I hoped she would be safe, as I knew hunger was wearing on her, also.)
When I trekked back she was almost in the same place. The giant store was now becoming smaller as the thundering hordes were pushing their carts up and down the aisles hoping that they would be able to find a yogurt they would like out of the 75 choices offered.
I suggested we go to the deli and pick up some lunch.
Lady Love looked at her watch. "I need to meet Brenda to give her the yarn. You stay by the pharmacy and I'll be back as soon as I can."
I talked to her back as she walked away, begging her to stay but her resolute step let me know that my pleading was falling on deaf ears.
So there I was trapped in a vitamin aisle---cod liver oil permeated my nostrils and almost upset my stomach. Might as well check these out. Mmmmm there was something so attractive about those vitamin labels, you could have a different label for everyday of the week (kind if like those panties with the days of the week on them. I bet they sell those here, too.) I was about to go check something else out and I heard a familiar:
"Well, that's done. Let's go to the deli." I smiled and quickly turned our shopping cart towards the deli--we were like happy salmon swimming up stream.